How to Lower Your Chances of Being Murdered as a Female According to Criminal Minds.

 

1. Don't live alone.

2. Don't go on jogs.

3. Don't be an attractive blonde.

4. Don't be an attractive brunette.

5. Don't help anyone with their groceries.

6. Don't go near anyone with a van.

7. Don't be a secret agent.

8. Don't post anything on the internet (that's so great for me!!).

9. Don't say anything that could possibly trigger an unsub (this could be anything at all, so just don't talk in general).

10. Don't not want kids if someone asks. 

11. Don't have a baby, someone might murder you for a baby if they've lost their child.

12. Don't work at a bank.

13. Don't work at a pharmacy.

14. Don't get into your car at night and not lock your doors within 0.01 seconds, but then again, they could already be waiting inside. 

15.  Don't be overly nice to a customer as an employee.

16. Don't be overly nice to a coworker.

17. Don't fire any males.

18. Don't be a mother of a psychotic, psychopathic, insecure, or hallucinated child.  

19. If you're a sheriff or police officer, don't go after the unsub alone (to be fair this goes for either gender).

20. Don't ask to borrow a book at a library in case the librarian has an obsession with witches and tries to execute you.

21. DON'T LEAVE A BAR ALONE. 

22. Don't walk in alleys.

23. Don't have a problematic family member that will probably use you as hostage (especially if you're young) once the besties at quantico find said family member.

24. Don't be a psychologist or therapist to anyone.

25. If you think your spouse is suspicious, don't go through his stuff, he could be a serial killer but once you find out he might kill you, or like #23, use you as hostage.

26. Don't be known as a social butterfly, if anyone refers to you that way, never talk to anyone again.

27. Don't have low self esteem.

28. Don't live a high risk lifestyle: pros*itute, runaway, coke addict... etc.

29. Remember every single person you ever meet in your entire life, they can potentially become your stalker one day. 

30. Don't go with your family on road trips especially if you'll have to be in a car at night on a highway with barely any other cars.

31. Don't be an organ donor (works for both genders though). 

32. Don't be a real estate agent, or at least don't show houses alone.

33. DON'T DATE ANYONE. Or at least, don't break up with anyone.

34. Don't talk to anyone online.

35. Don't marry a politician (btw the city with the highest percentage of psychopaths is Washington D.C so that should speak for itself). 

36. Don't marry anyone with a son that stares at you for a little too long.

37. Don't perform exorcisms.

37. Don't be a baby-sitter.

38. Don't live in this dark world. 

There's so much more but I have to go walk home to school right now since it's almost Christmas.